Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
