You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
