ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
