I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
