So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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