i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
