Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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