What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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