The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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