yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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