Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
