it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
