sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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