I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
