He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
