I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
