Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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