Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
