Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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