I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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