who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
