Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

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(251): View more from Alabama

So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities

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(408): View more from California

Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?

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(509): View more from Washington

Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes

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(951): View more from California

Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person

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