If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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