Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want nice things and good sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
