Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
