I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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