Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
