I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
