smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
