she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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