who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
