You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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