Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
