I'm going to jail i love you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
