Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
