I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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