I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
