Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dick very happy bro
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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