white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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