My Higher Power is John Stamos
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
