youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
