Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
