I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
