I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
