worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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