so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
