Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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