His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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