Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
