I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
