I'm jealous of your bromance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
